Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me
These lyrics have been very near and dear to my heart as of late. I heard this song the other day and it brought me to tears. Why should I feel discouraged?! Jesus is my portion, my constant friend is He! I choke just trying to sing those words.
There has been a lot of change in my life recently, as you are probably well aware of. Last year I went through a lot, more than a normal person should ever have to go through, and that was all BEFORE Daddy died. I had been fighting an uphill battle with anxiety and depression and was on the verge of conquering it. I wanted to somehow symbolize my struggle and victory over these things physically and started to consider a tattoo. Now if you know me at all this is incredibly shocking, I LOVE tattoos but have never, ever wanted one. My rule was that I have to want it for a year before I can get it. I showed the design to my parents one evening at dinner and to my surprise they both really loved it, even Dad. Not three months later Daddy passed away. I decided after that, that my decision to get this tattoo was made. I went with my mom, aunt, uncle and sister and made it a reality. It is a bird, a sparrow. It reminds me that I am not alone, that God watches over me every minute, that He knows my tomorrows and my yesterdays and loves me for them. I can remember the pain I felt in those dark moments and know that there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel and for that I am so very thankful.
Now its time for even more news! I am now officially changing my career. For the past two years and some odd months I have been working as the Operations Manager for a wonderful company based out of Fort Worth. I have incredible coworkers; one of which is my husband, Josh, and the best boss anyone could ask for. Why am I leaving then, you may ask? Well, I was not made to sit in front of a computer screen for nine hours a day. I crave human interaction and time with people! Last fall I started to pray and fast. I knew that I wasn't happy where I was and knew that if I were doing what God has called me to do, that shouldn't be an issue. After much prayer it came to me; teaching.
I have NEVER ever wanted to be a teacher. I didn't think it was for me. But when I broke it all down and really thought about things I realized that it is right where God wants me. I am happiest when I am around children, when I can make them smile, teach them something new and show them how incredible this world really can be. I realized then that I wanted to teach, and I wanted to teach young children. Kindergarten to be exact. I recently passed my TExES exam (yay!) and am going to school in July (5th-20th) to obtain my alternative teaching certificate. Right now I am in the process of teacher observations. My time in the classroom has really reassured me that I am making the right choice.
I am incredibly sad to be leaving my job, like I said before, the people here are wonderful and I doubt there is a better boss than the one I have, but I have to do what the Lord is calling me to, that I know for sure. All of this to say, we could really use your prayers right now. No matter what I have to leave my job by the end of June so I can attend school full time in July. We are praying that a teaching position finds its way to me before the end of summer so I can be employed and working come the start of the new school year in August. Right now I am doing teacher observations at Dallas Park and Oakmont Elementary schools, but am not limited to the CISD. Please continue to hold us in your thoughts and prayers as we take this huge step in a new direction.
In other news, I started seeing a counselor one on one two weeks ago. Tonight will be my third session. It hasn't been long enough for me to tell if it is making a difference or not but I refuse to just give up. I know that with God anything is possible and I want to find victory over the tragedies in my life. This is not something I can do alone and have made strides in the right direction. I miss and think of my dad every single second of every day, and when I am asleep he finds his way into my dreams. It is a gnawing ache that just doesn't go away.
Right now I am finding comfort in keeping myself busy. When I am not at work or church I am at the gym or spending time with family and friends... Down time for me just doesn't happen these days. Yesterday was wonderful, we celebrated Mother's Day as a family and got to play games and eat delicious food! We spent some time at the Botanic Gardens taking pictures and then cooled off in the pool! My mother is one of the strongest, most beautiful (inside and out), loving, selfless individuals I've ever had the privilege of knowing. She is humble, sweet, compassionate and fun woman that we are all blessed to call mom and friend. Yesterday wasn't easy for any of us, but I could not be more thankful to have a close family that can act as a support system for me at all times. Happy Mother's day to the incredible "moms" in my life; My momma, Melanie Koch, Marsha Morgan, Darlene Chandler, Jane Rowe and SO many more!