I am fully aware that I've been slacking on the updates. Things around here are crazy busy as usual.
This morning is my pre-op appointment for surgery tomorrow. I'll be doing some blood work and getting details on the procedure. I'm anxious, but I also know that I'm in God's hands and He already knows the outcome.
Surgery is scheduled for 10:00 tomorrow morning, April 23rd. Hopefully it will be a quick in and out surgery with no complications. Prayers are definitely apprecaited. As soon as I'm up and functioning I'll be sure to get an update to you all.
God is good.... All the time.
Thursday, April 22
Wednesday, April 7
Holding God's Hand...
Yesterday was a much anticipated doctors appointment for me. Back in 2005 I had my right ovary removed. It was a routine surgery to remove what they thought was a cyst. After opening me up they realized that it was not a cyst at all but a tumor, and it had completely taken over my ovary. We were so thankful to learn that it was benign and that everything would get better.
Here we are five years down the road and I still have terrible pain every once in a while. I've been in and out of doctors offices, on medicines, off medicines... I have recently started to feel like a guinea pig. A test subject. Well, we just don't know what's wrong with you so let's try this out. It's always, let's give it some time, come back in a few months if it's still bad. Well I've finally had enough.
I met with the surgeon who preformed my surgery to talk yesterday. They ran some tests, did an ultrasound and he gave me two choices. The first choice was to take the passive route; wait another three months or so, if the pain and other issues continue, come back and we'll do a laproscopic surgery. Or take the aggressive route and do the surgery now. Tired, defeated and absolutely at the end of my rope, we scheduled the procedure.
One possible diagnosis that keeps getting thrown around is endometriosis. A word that I absolutely despise. A word that makes me cringe. A word that sends worries and anxieties shooting through my brain. This surgery is the only way that endometriosis is diagnosed. Sure I have all of the symptoms but it's not easily diagnosed... the only way is to open me up and take a looksy. If they happen to find this while they're in there they will burn what they can find. There is no cure for endometriosis. It is something that I would have to live with my entire life. It is manageable, but the one word that comes up that breaks my heart every time is infertility. I've known several women with this who have had children, so I am hopeful. But I am also human. I worry, I get anxious.
Another option is that I have scar tissue from my surgery 5 years ago that has attached somewhere in my abdomen and is causing issues. THIS is what we're hoping for. If they go in and find this they'll burn it, stitch me up, and we'll all move on with our lives. Lord willing.
If they find nothing.... they stitch me up and we look at other possible options. This surgery will give me peace of mind. Answers. No matter what, when I wake up I will have an answer. Even if it is, "sorry we couldn't find anything."
The procedure is scheduled for April 23rd. It will be quick and hopefully minimally invasive. I'm not writing about this to get sympathy. That is not what I want at all. I'm writing about this because it's on my mind. Its weighing heavy on my heart and this is where I go when I need to vent. Prayers, of course, are always appreciated. I'm taking a deep breath right now, not thinking too far ahead, and taking a firm grip on God's hand, clinging tight to the knowledge that He already knows the outcome. He already knows if there are children in our future and He has already started to prepare my heart for the journey. I am holding on tight knowing that He is walking beside me. Not letting go.
Here we are five years down the road and I still have terrible pain every once in a while. I've been in and out of doctors offices, on medicines, off medicines... I have recently started to feel like a guinea pig. A test subject. Well, we just don't know what's wrong with you so let's try this out. It's always, let's give it some time, come back in a few months if it's still bad. Well I've finally had enough.
I met with the surgeon who preformed my surgery to talk yesterday. They ran some tests, did an ultrasound and he gave me two choices. The first choice was to take the passive route; wait another three months or so, if the pain and other issues continue, come back and we'll do a laproscopic surgery. Or take the aggressive route and do the surgery now. Tired, defeated and absolutely at the end of my rope, we scheduled the procedure.
One possible diagnosis that keeps getting thrown around is endometriosis. A word that I absolutely despise. A word that makes me cringe. A word that sends worries and anxieties shooting through my brain. This surgery is the only way that endometriosis is diagnosed. Sure I have all of the symptoms but it's not easily diagnosed... the only way is to open me up and take a looksy. If they happen to find this while they're in there they will burn what they can find. There is no cure for endometriosis. It is something that I would have to live with my entire life. It is manageable, but the one word that comes up that breaks my heart every time is infertility. I've known several women with this who have had children, so I am hopeful. But I am also human. I worry, I get anxious.
Another option is that I have scar tissue from my surgery 5 years ago that has attached somewhere in my abdomen and is causing issues. THIS is what we're hoping for. If they go in and find this they'll burn it, stitch me up, and we'll all move on with our lives. Lord willing.
If they find nothing.... they stitch me up and we look at other possible options. This surgery will give me peace of mind. Answers. No matter what, when I wake up I will have an answer. Even if it is, "sorry we couldn't find anything."
The procedure is scheduled for April 23rd. It will be quick and hopefully minimally invasive. I'm not writing about this to get sympathy. That is not what I want at all. I'm writing about this because it's on my mind. Its weighing heavy on my heart and this is where I go when I need to vent. Prayers, of course, are always appreciated. I'm taking a deep breath right now, not thinking too far ahead, and taking a firm grip on God's hand, clinging tight to the knowledge that He already knows the outcome. He already knows if there are children in our future and He has already started to prepare my heart for the journey. I am holding on tight knowing that He is walking beside me. Not letting go.
Bridals by the lovely and talented Hillary Anne
I posted a while back about going on my bridal photo shoot with Hillary. Well when we were visiting the other weekend she dropped the CD with my images in my bag! I'm thrilled with how they turned out. She never, ever ceases to impress me. PLEASE, if you're looking for a photographer consider Hillary as a great option! Thanks again, Hil, you're incredible.
Why can't we play a time out in real life?
So... It's been a while since I've blogged here. Some of you may think I'm slacking. Rest assured that I am not! Life is just a whirlwind of events, parties, lunches, dinners, games, sleeping.... Today I'm calling a time out to make some time to write. I may have a growing to do list at work, laundry piling up in the closet and a pup that could use a good walk... but I need this for me.
Here's a quick recap of what we've been up to lately.
A couple of weekends ago we headed out to McKinney to spend some time with our friends Brian and Hillary. They made an incredible meal of chicken and beef fajitas and we enjoyed some delicious frozen margaritas made by yours truly. We stayed up all night playing games and decided to spend the night to get as much time with them as possible. It was the first time Josh and I had spent the night at a friends house together. It was pretty cool. I couldn't help but to pass a giggle when we said goodnight. Maybe someday I'll get used to this whole marriage thing. The following morning they took us to breakfast at the Original Pancake House... I had the best egg white omelet I've ever tasted. We had a blast spending time with them and just wish we could do it more often. Here are a few pictures from our time together.
Here's a quick recap of what we've been up to lately.
A couple of weekends ago we headed out to McKinney to spend some time with our friends Brian and Hillary. They made an incredible meal of chicken and beef fajitas and we enjoyed some delicious frozen margaritas made by yours truly. We stayed up all night playing games and decided to spend the night to get as much time with them as possible. It was the first time Josh and I had spent the night at a friends house together. It was pretty cool. I couldn't help but to pass a giggle when we said goodnight. Maybe someday I'll get used to this whole marriage thing. The following morning they took us to breakfast at the Original Pancake House... I had the best egg white omelet I've ever tasted. We had a blast spending time with them and just wish we could do it more often. Here are a few pictures from our time together.
Brian and Elle during game time
Playing some Settlers... Brian won the first game and I won the second!
Then we played a game of Guestures... Where Hillary and I kicked some major butt.
Let's see.... So what else is new? Hmm... Well I got my hair done, needed to get ready for spring so I threw in some beautiful highlights complements of the beautiful and talented Cherie Wiggins.
Josh and I attended a pre season game for the Rangers thanks to Derek who was kind enough to give us his tickets. The seats were awesome and the weather was absolutely perfect. We made a date night out of it and ate at BJ's (one of my favorite restaurants). To top it all off the Rangers won their game, too!
Josh has been keeping busy with flag football on Sundays and softball games every Tuesday and Wednesday nights.
Easter weekend was great. My mom invited everyone over to their house to celebrate with games and great food. She asked me to bring a few things for dinner so I decided to make my grandmother's homemade rolls and my great aunt Carolyn's sweet potato casserole. Lucky for me they both turned out beautifully! Sunday morning after church we headed over to my parent's house. My aunt, uncle, two baby cousins, Tony, Mel, Athena, Mom, Dad, Gary, James and his fiance Amanda were all over for dinner. It was a packed house but we had a great time hovering around the busy kitchen and chatting the evening away. I'm always overwhelmed on Easter- its a beautiful time to embrace the love of Christ and to remember the great sacrifice he made to save us all. I am so thankful that He is Risen!!! I slacked on picture taking but managed to capture a few...
Teaching Claire and Victor how to play Settlers
Sweet Little Ryan and his adorable little hat
Mom making some yummy food
Finally a picture of my brother and me!
The day before Easter my dad got all of us kiddos together for a family photo shoot at the sculpture by the museum. It's become a tradition and this would be the first time our entire family would be together, including husbands and wives (and little unborn peanut babies). It was so much fun getting to shoot pictures with my family!! You can find more images on my dad's photography website here.
Other than that.... not too much has been going on here. :) Just living our lives the best way we know how. I was fortunate enough to meet my girlfriends for dinner last night, a much needed night out with girls I love so very much. Josh will be away this coming weekend spending time with his friends at Lee's bachelor party. He is SO excited... I'll miss him like crazy, but I know he'll be having the time of his life.
I'll be making more posts today. Gotta chop it up a little bit. Thanks for keeping up!!
Wednesday, March 24
He Will Never Let the Righteous Fall
So I'm walking this journey... this thing called life. It has ups, it has downs and millions of moments in between. My walk with the Lord has never been as strong as it is now. I feel as if He walks beside me every day and in every situation.
One morning this week I woke up from a terrible dream. A dream that seemed so real that it shook me. It stirred feelings and emotions in me that I thought I had moved past, as I made my way to my office computer to email my dad I found myself in tears, overwhelmed with sadness and frustration. I kept asking myself, why is it so hard for me to just give this to God? How many times to I have to give it to Him before He will take it from me? Why can't I just let go?
I prayed that morning, really prayed. I talked with a friend who reminded me of God's intentions and remembered that we walk through some sticky stuff in life and we do it so that we can cling to Christ and grow closer to Him.
This past week I was inspired to start drawing again. I'm not an artist. I would never classify myself as such. I have always called myself a "doodler." I've treated this drawing pad as an emotional journal. Drawing expresses feelings and emotions that I cannot seem to wrap words around. It's been an incredible release.
After my dream the other morning I grabbed my "emotional journal" and sketched how I was feeling. After praying and talking with loved ones a new picture came to mind and that too was placed on paper. It's difficult for me to find the strength to share these images with the world... they are personal, intimate and very genuinely raw. But I want you to know my heart... bruises and all.
The first one is titled, "Misunderstood" and is the one I made to reflect my emotions about the dream and the true life events that led up to it.
This second one is what I drew after the morning had passed... It shows my current feelings and newly found strength in the Lord.
I'm finding peace today, knowing that I am protected and held by the hands of God. He can carry me through any struggle, any sadness, any tragedy. "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." - Psalm 55:22. I am so thankful for the grace of God and am happy to be filled with hope and joy today. I hope these words bring you comfort as well in your daily walk through life.
One morning this week I woke up from a terrible dream. A dream that seemed so real that it shook me. It stirred feelings and emotions in me that I thought I had moved past, as I made my way to my office computer to email my dad I found myself in tears, overwhelmed with sadness and frustration. I kept asking myself, why is it so hard for me to just give this to God? How many times to I have to give it to Him before He will take it from me? Why can't I just let go?
I prayed that morning, really prayed. I talked with a friend who reminded me of God's intentions and remembered that we walk through some sticky stuff in life and we do it so that we can cling to Christ and grow closer to Him.
This past week I was inspired to start drawing again. I'm not an artist. I would never classify myself as such. I have always called myself a "doodler." I've treated this drawing pad as an emotional journal. Drawing expresses feelings and emotions that I cannot seem to wrap words around. It's been an incredible release.
After my dream the other morning I grabbed my "emotional journal" and sketched how I was feeling. After praying and talking with loved ones a new picture came to mind and that too was placed on paper. It's difficult for me to find the strength to share these images with the world... they are personal, intimate and very genuinely raw. But I want you to know my heart... bruises and all.
The first one is titled, "Misunderstood" and is the one I made to reflect my emotions about the dream and the true life events that led up to it.
This second one is what I drew after the morning had passed... It shows my current feelings and newly found strength in the Lord.
I'm finding peace today, knowing that I am protected and held by the hands of God. He can carry me through any struggle, any sadness, any tragedy. "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." - Psalm 55:22. I am so thankful for the grace of God and am happy to be filled with hope and joy today. I hope these words bring you comfort as well in your daily walk through life.
Ore City Weekend Trip
This past weekend Josh and I packed up our car and made our way out to East Texas to spend the weekend with our grandparents. Papa has been in a rehab facility since the end of last summer and Mimi has recently been moved to an assisted living home.
Trips to Ore City used to mean four wheeling, fishing, hunting, swimming and spending great quality time with family. These days we have to really prepare ourselves before arriving. Seeing someone you love so dearly, someone who has always been a strong individual, lying helplessly in bed, hooked up to machines... It's just so difficult to see. Papa's face always lights up when we walk in the room, he gets this incredible grin and his eyes sparkle and shine. It makes my heart ache every single time. We are struggling to avoid feelings of resentment and anger towards the doctors- it seems as if they have simply given up in hopes to make him healthy again.
Sitting in the room with Papa is peaceful. We know that every moment spent with him is precious and it makes the emotional struggle a little less difficult. Please continue to keep him in your prayers. Pray for the doctor's knowledge and for continued effort in making him healthy, that they would not give up hope and that they will continue to work day and night to help make him better. Pray for strength for Papa, for hope and peace. And please pray for the Morgans and Peebles, I cannot even begin to fathom the toll it has been taking on them. I've only known Papa for 7 years and it kills me. I believe in the power of prayer with all of my heart, I know that God makes miracles happen everyday, all we can do is hope and pray that Papa will be one of those miracles.
We stayed with our other grandparents, Grammy and Peepaw, over the weekend. It was so much fun getting to catch up and spend time with them. Megan, our 7 year old cousin, was also around for the weekend and she always makes for some fun times.
Josh got a phone call from one of his childhood friend's dads while we were in town wanting to meet us for dinner one night. So Saturday night we headed to Bodacious BBQ *THE BEST BBQ EVER* and I got the opportunity to meet this family. Josh played baseball with Travis, their son, all throughout his childhood. Travis' mom pulled out old photo albums and let me look through them, I loved seeing "little" Josh and getting to poke fun at his haircuts or tucked in shirts with high waisted shorts. We spent the entire evening talking and it was past 9:00 before we knew it.
It was a good weekend overall, great moments with our family and reliving old times with friends. We plan on visiting again soon, the more moments in life we spend with family, the better. :)
Trips to Ore City used to mean four wheeling, fishing, hunting, swimming and spending great quality time with family. These days we have to really prepare ourselves before arriving. Seeing someone you love so dearly, someone who has always been a strong individual, lying helplessly in bed, hooked up to machines... It's just so difficult to see. Papa's face always lights up when we walk in the room, he gets this incredible grin and his eyes sparkle and shine. It makes my heart ache every single time. We are struggling to avoid feelings of resentment and anger towards the doctors- it seems as if they have simply given up in hopes to make him healthy again.
Sitting in the room with Papa is peaceful. We know that every moment spent with him is precious and it makes the emotional struggle a little less difficult. Please continue to keep him in your prayers. Pray for the doctor's knowledge and for continued effort in making him healthy, that they would not give up hope and that they will continue to work day and night to help make him better. Pray for strength for Papa, for hope and peace. And please pray for the Morgans and Peebles, I cannot even begin to fathom the toll it has been taking on them. I've only known Papa for 7 years and it kills me. I believe in the power of prayer with all of my heart, I know that God makes miracles happen everyday, all we can do is hope and pray that Papa will be one of those miracles.
We stayed with our other grandparents, Grammy and Peepaw, over the weekend. It was so much fun getting to catch up and spend time with them. Megan, our 7 year old cousin, was also around for the weekend and she always makes for some fun times.
Josh got a phone call from one of his childhood friend's dads while we were in town wanting to meet us for dinner one night. So Saturday night we headed to Bodacious BBQ *THE BEST BBQ EVER* and I got the opportunity to meet this family. Josh played baseball with Travis, their son, all throughout his childhood. Travis' mom pulled out old photo albums and let me look through them, I loved seeing "little" Josh and getting to poke fun at his haircuts or tucked in shirts with high waisted shorts. We spent the entire evening talking and it was past 9:00 before we knew it.
It was a good weekend overall, great moments with our family and reliving old times with friends. We plan on visiting again soon, the more moments in life we spend with family, the better. :)
Tuesday, March 16
The Ups and Downs of Life
This past weekend was an emotional roller coaster for me. Funeral on Friday, Wedding on Saturday. Needless to say, I cried a lot.
Mark is the music director at our church, I sing in the band with him on Sundays. This past weekend he got married to Maggie, the love of his life. Their wedding was the most beatiful, spiritual and asthetically pleasing wedding I've ever attended (second to my own, hehe). Mark and Maggie are an adorable couple and their lives exemplify the love of Christ so well. There were, what seemed like, thousands of people in attendance at their wedding, a live band at the ceremony and their reception was unlike any other I've ever been to. There were couches and lounge areas, a photobooth, deserts and candy everywhere you looked and the love was so thick in the air. It was a joy to be a part of their big day.
After the wedding Josh and I headed home for a quick change, grabbed Charlie and headed over to my folks' house. I made dinner for the family and we all sat around talking like the good old days. It was the first time my whole family *minus Melanie* sat around a table together in years. It was as if we didn't miss a beat. I haven't seen my dad light up like that in a long time, my mom was all smiles and i grinned every time I looked up and saw my brother smiling back at me.
We introduced Tony to the game Settlers of Catan after dinner where I whooped up on everyone and won, despite their efforts to sabbotage me. We decided to play one more game since the first one was just a warm up for Tony. My better half won that game. It was a Morgan domination night. :)
Sunday morning my brother came to church and heard me sing for the first time in years. I was giddy knowing he was in the congregation. He makes my heart so happy! After church we headed out for Josh's flag football game. The weather was gorgeous and they won. That afternoon Josh left to spend some time with his friend Lee for the evening so I packed up some things and headed to my parent's house for another afternoon of games. Aparently my brother had spent a while online reading about Settler's strategy in hopes to beat us in the game. It must have worked because just before I prepared to win he surprised us all and finished first! Exhuasted from the time change and the emotional rollercoaster of a week I had experienced I called it an early night. I was in bed at 6:00, woke up at 8:00 and stayed in bed until Josh got home at 10:00. It was much needed rest.
Week 3 of working from home is going wonderfully. The pets love having us home and staying in my robe most days is nice, too!
I'm all typed out now... Time for a break. :) Thanks for keeping up with us!
Mark is the music director at our church, I sing in the band with him on Sundays. This past weekend he got married to Maggie, the love of his life. Their wedding was the most beatiful, spiritual and asthetically pleasing wedding I've ever attended (second to my own, hehe). Mark and Maggie are an adorable couple and their lives exemplify the love of Christ so well. There were, what seemed like, thousands of people in attendance at their wedding, a live band at the ceremony and their reception was unlike any other I've ever been to. There were couches and lounge areas, a photobooth, deserts and candy everywhere you looked and the love was so thick in the air. It was a joy to be a part of their big day.
After the wedding Josh and I headed home for a quick change, grabbed Charlie and headed over to my folks' house. I made dinner for the family and we all sat around talking like the good old days. It was the first time my whole family *minus Melanie* sat around a table together in years. It was as if we didn't miss a beat. I haven't seen my dad light up like that in a long time, my mom was all smiles and i grinned every time I looked up and saw my brother smiling back at me.
We introduced Tony to the game Settlers of Catan after dinner where I whooped up on everyone and won, despite their efforts to sabbotage me. We decided to play one more game since the first one was just a warm up for Tony. My better half won that game. It was a Morgan domination night. :)
Sunday morning my brother came to church and heard me sing for the first time in years. I was giddy knowing he was in the congregation. He makes my heart so happy! After church we headed out for Josh's flag football game. The weather was gorgeous and they won. That afternoon Josh left to spend some time with his friend Lee for the evening so I packed up some things and headed to my parent's house for another afternoon of games. Aparently my brother had spent a while online reading about Settler's strategy in hopes to beat us in the game. It must have worked because just before I prepared to win he surprised us all and finished first! Exhuasted from the time change and the emotional rollercoaster of a week I had experienced I called it an early night. I was in bed at 6:00, woke up at 8:00 and stayed in bed until Josh got home at 10:00. It was much needed rest.
Week 3 of working from home is going wonderfully. The pets love having us home and staying in my robe most days is nice, too!
(can you see Mr. Jealous in the background??)
I'm all typed out now... Time for a break. :) Thanks for keeping up with us!
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