There are days when I am begging to feel the Lord close to me. To hear His words. To sense his presence and understand the path He has laid out for me.
Yesterday was one of those days.
I laid down to take a nap, my head swimming with thoughts that were consuming my every breath. Sleep came quickly and when I woke two hours later I had lyrics to a song in my head. I had no idea where they came from or why they were resounding so loudly in my soul. I got up and played the song, tears filled my eyes as I listened to the lyrics. It was my heart's cry to hear from the Lord...
There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
I wave my arms round about me and blow with all my might.
I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here
But the comfort of you near is what I long for.
When I can't feel you I have learned to reach out just the same.
When I can't hear you I know you still hear every word I pray.
And I want you more than I want to live another day.
And as I wait for you, maybe I'm made more faithful.
All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right.
So I whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tongue,
Knowing you're the only one who knows me, you know me.
Show me how I should live this.
Show me where I should walk.
I count this world as loss to me.
You are all I want.
You are all I want.
Faithful- Brooke Fraser
I've been listening to lies for such a long time. Lies of the enemy, when heard enough, become truths. But God is bigger, God is greater, and He has a hold of my life. I may not sense Him close every moment of every day but I know that He never leaves me and because of this I know that I can cry out to Him and He will hear my prayers. I cannot wait to see the purpose that God has for me, to know why it is that I'm here... But I am earnestly seeking His will and I have faith that it will be revealed to me in time. Until then I will wait for Him, and as I wait... I will be made more faithful.
I think one of the things I have to remind myself of is that God is big enough to handle my emotions even at their most extreme. I mean I know that often when I am most angry, most distraught, feel like it's falling apart, crying so hard I can't breathe.. these are not the times I go directly to God. I wait until I calm down and then go to Him. But recently I have been reminded that He is big enough to handle even my screaming, tearful questions and demands. He may never give me the answer I desperately want, but He can handle my desperation. I have found that sobbing to God has been one of the biggest steps of faith I've made recently. I know that sounds strange, but it's true.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Claire. Your words are so true!
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