There are a lot of things that I'd like to write about tonight. Mostly, all of the events that have been going on in our lives as of late but for some reason I don't have the desire to elaborate.
My mom has decided to put her home on the market and build a new house closer to her church/Athena's school. There are a lot of mixed emotions stirring around in my head and heart. Around every corner, in every room, there is a different memory of my dad. This is the last big part of Dad that I have left. As she has been preparing the house to sell we've come across a few hidden treasures my dad left behind. The first was a daily diary that he had kept, the year was 1991 - I was 5. He writes about life, love, religion and daily struggles as well as some of the fond memories from his childhood. I was reminded tonight of how incredible my dad's heart truly was. He writes of his struggles to love and be selfless, how he strives to be a good example and his ever increasing desire to draw closer to his Heavenly Father. One thing that really stuck out to me was his documentation of his memory of the day I fell out of the two story window in our town home. He writes, "God reached out his hands that day and caught our falling sparrow. Save a broken leg, Nicki "walked" away from her second-story fall. Six months later, there was no trace of the fracture on her x-rays. Sometimes I think it took longer for her parents to heal." Tears poured from my eyes reading his words, "our little sparrow." It can't be a coincidence that the tattoo on my neck is just that.
The second little treasure was a book of poems. These poems brought tears to my eyes. I knew he had a love of poetry but I don't think I ever grasped the full span of his passion and incredible ability to write. He even had poems published.
All of this has gotten me anxious to write again. He was always trying to improve himself. Whether it was his relationship with friends/family, the Lord, or his writing ability- he never got complacent. I'm encouraged and inspired. Who knew that even beyond the grave my dad would continue to push me toward the path of bettering myself? As difficult as it was to read his thoughts and words I am so happy that he left those things behind for us to find. I hope that someday, my children will be able to look back at the things I've written and find an appreciation for my heart, my mind and the life I've been blessed to live. If I can be a fraction of the person that my dad was I will be forever content.
Missing him with every bit of my heart tonight.
My heart hurts with you and for you tonight, Nicki. You write beautifully, especially about your sweet dad... keep writing.
ReplyDeleteI vividly remember the pain he wore on his face that day that you fell out of the window... he adored you. How very blessed you both were to have each other in your lives. He always did and continues to bring out the very best in his daughter.....wow, what more could a parent ever want out of life? ... to be an instrument in our children's lives to bring about purpose, to bring out the best in them, and to reflect the face of Jesus to them in such a way that they hunger for nothing less than His very best. Your dad's life was far too short, Nicki, but oh how powerful it was and how precious it continues to be.
Love you.