Callie - 2 Months

Holy cow!  It has been two months since our lives were forever changed by Callie's arrival.  It's almost difficult to remember a time when she wasn't around.  This past month was full of wonderful memories being made and watching our sweet little thang grow like a weed.  Here are some pictures from her two month photoshoot and some comparison shots!

Callie has gained tons of weight and is just over 9 lbs!  Hard to imagine that she's almost doubled in size since being born.  She has gotten more interactive and has recently started to smile at us.  This month she discovered her voice and it has been so much fun listening to her coo's and watching her reaction as her eyes grow wide and she smiles like she's proud of the sound she just produced.  She is still an absolute angel.  We joke that she's spoiling us for all future Morgan babies. 

Some of her favorite things are:

• Taking naps in her swing
• Making crazy monster noises
• Smiling at mommy and daddy
• Cuddles 
• Listening to mommy sing "You Are My Sunshine"
• Her musical seahorse
• MILK
• Being the gassiest baby alive (lots of poots and burps!)
• Peeing on mommy and daddy
• Tummy time
• Spending time with Grandma, Gigi, Big Popi and Aunts/Uncles
• Swimming 
• Bath time

 Callie is still wearing newborn clothes but has officially grown out of her preemie sizes.  She is still wearing newborn diapers but the Pampers newborns are getting a little snug.  She loves wearing headbands and looks utterly adorable in pink.  She's on the same schedule that she's been on since the beginning... Nursing exclusively every 3-4 hours.  Baby girl has yet to sleep through the night but has blessed us ONCE by sleeping for 5 hours!  We are hoping that the full night's sleep is just around the corner.  

Our lives truly have been turned upside-down and though there are times I want to cry from exhaustion all it takes is one look in her beautiful hazel eyes and it all goes away.  She is truly our blessing from God and we love her more each and every day!   Here are a few pictures of Callie doing some of her favorite things over the past month.

Father's Day - The day she was dedicated to the church

 

4 Generations

  Spending time with cousins Matty and Andrew

 

First time in the pool!

 

Meeting "Aunt" Ashley

 

Bath time with Mommy

 

Tummy Time

 

Her first Fourth of July

 

She loves being outside!

There are hundreds more pictures but this will do for now!  Lots of exciting things have been happening lately so stay tuned for more updates.  As always thanks for keeping up with us!!

Life After a Baby

I've always looked at pregnant women with such awe and desire.  Their skin glows, their bellies are so cute and I love it when they walk away waddling.  It's all super duper cute until its you. :)  Now, I am not writing this to get sympathy or have people tell me that I'm lucky I didn't gain as much as they did or that I don't know how good I had it... I use this blog just as much as a diary for myself as I do to keep family and friends updated so please give me a little grace to vent and be honest.

Pregnancy was nothing at all like I thought it would be.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adored being blessed enough to carry Callie Bug, and even liked having a belly (for the most part) but there are so many things that people don't tell you about during pregnancy!  Random pains, aches, heartburn, reflux, peeing every five minutes, morning sickness that never goes away, kicks to the ribs, not being able to sit or stand for long periods of time, swollen everything, but worst of all for me was watching my body change and not being able to fit into my clothes.  Yes, I was pregnant and you're supposed to get big and round but I don't think it's any girl's dream to get bigger.  It was a constant struggle for me to feel beautiful.  Josh did an amazing job making me feel gorgeous and sexy but being told you look great and feeling great are two totally different things.

After having Callie I was surprised at how much weight I had lost.  I gained 26 lbs during my pregnancy and dreaded getting on the scale at each appointment.  After getting back home from the NICU I had lost 16 lbs. When you're at a certain weight for the majority of your life and then gain a large amount in a short period of time it really messes with your self esteem.  I was very excited to have lost so much weight right after she was born and eager to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight as soon as I could while still being healthy.  I had a pretty severe episiotomy during labor and 8 weeks later I am still recovering from it.  When the 6 week waiting period finally arrived I was so eager to start working out again.

A friend of mine keeps a blog that I read pretty regularly and she had started the Ripped in 30 DVD by Jillian Michaels.  Her experience with it really encouraged me, so when 6 weeks had passed I didn't wait a day longer to go out and buy the DVD for myself.  I am now on week 3 day 3 of the program and am SO happy with the results.  I've lost half an inch in my hips, an inch off my waist, an inch from my thighs and half an inch in my calves!  My clothes are fitting better (still not quite back to where I was but I don't think it will ever be that way again with these newly formed hips and larger chest) and I am feeling a lot better about myself.  That was until yesterday. 

I mentioned something about how happy I am with my progress and how I'm feeling/looking on Facebook and read a pretty hurtful, passive agressive response from someone .  It hurt beyond words to read and really knocked me on my rear.  Not once did it cross my mind that I was bragging or fishing for complements or praise... I simply wanted to share my excitement with family and friends and apparently it was taken the wrong way completely.

I understand that how I feel something should come across and how it is perceived by someone else are two completely different things that I have no control over, but it has really discouraged me and hurt me more than I should have allowed it to.  There was a part of me that thought I could possibly be an encouragement to others who feel badly about themselves post-pregnancy, but after this ordeal I have no desire to put myself back out there.  It is insanely difficult to be judged and seen as something you are not.

All of this being said, I am still very proud of myself for all of the hard work I am putting in and will continue on my journey to making myself the best I can be both inside and out.  How I am perceived matters a lot to me.  I know it probably shouldn't but it hurts to be seen in a negative light when I work so hard to live my life in a positive one.  As a Christian it is especially difficult to hear that you are coming across as egocentric or conceited.  To those of you who have seen me in this light, I apologize and will do my best to stay humble and more reserved about things of a physical nature. 

Vent over...

:) And in order to keep this post on the lighthearted side, I'll end with a picture of my sweet Callie Bug!

One Month!

So this post is nearly a month late... Please forgive my tardiness, a little princess has been keeping me very, very busy!

Callie was one month old before we knew it.  The first month consisted of feedings every 3 hours day and night which made for a very sleep deprived mommy.  Josh went back to work the week after we got home, I decided that since he had to work I would do everything at night.  It worked out pretty well but after a while I was starting to feel like the walking dead.  After a month, though, I was starting to get used to it. 

She had so many visitors and we had fun just getting to know our little girl.  Two days after bringing her home we took her to her very first photo shoot.  She slept the entire two hour session and acted like a pro.  We couldn't be happier with how her pictures turned out!  Thank you to Lesley Lane of Lane Portraits, we would HIGHLY recommend her to anyone looking for professional pictures, not only newborn but all types!

The following pictures were taken on her one month birthday!  She is growing like a weed.  At this point she had gained about two pounds and was just over 7lbs.  I couldn't love her more.  Some of her favorite things are smiling, snuggle time with mommy and daddy, eating (like a little piggy) and snoozing the day away.  She is an ANGEL baby and is totally spoiling us for any future kiddos! :)

Callie's Arrival - NICU

Obviously being a new mommy has made my life a tad bit busier and I haven't made the time to regularly update the blog!  Sorry for those of you waiting to hear the rest of Callie's arrival.  Here's the last part of her story...

I was completely overwhelmed with the thought that we'd be in the NICU for two weeks.  Going into preterm labor at 27 weeks and staying 5 days in the hospital was absolutely awful and I was dreading having to do it all over again.  To my surprise, staying at Cook Children's wasn't as terrible as I had anticipated.  Unlike most NICU's, at Cooks each baby has their own separate room.  In the room you have a recliner and a couch that doubles as a small bed.  The one rule that we really couldn't stand was that you could not be in the couch bed together... Josh and I took turns switching from recliner to couch bed for 8 days, it definitely took its toll on us. 

Callie's nurses were wonderful.  We got used to the shift changes and after a couple of days the nurses only came in to check her vitals and make some changes if need be.  We had everything else under control.  Callie progressed quickly.  She went from being on the vent to a bubble C-pap machine.  Soon she was taken completely off of all machines to see how she was doing.  Unfortunately after about an hour she was struggling again so they put a cannula in her nose to keep a steady flow of oxygen going to her lungs.  They ordered an x-ray to check and see how things were going and saw that her left lung was still very underdeveloped.  Their plan was to keep her on oxygen until it matured.  While we were there Callie also developed jaundice and had to lay under the bilirubin lights for a full day/night.  She looked adorable in her little sunnies, but the hardest part was not being able to take her out and hold her. 

Once her levels dropped down to a safe number they gave me the go ahead to try and nurse her.  Up until this point they had her on IV's and had just started giving her my breast milk via feeding tube.  I was so eager to breast feed because it really made me feel needed, and for the first time I was feeling like her mom.  It's so difficult to feel like a parent when you're having to ask someone to hold your child, you have to clear things with other people and you aren't the one getting to make decisions for your baby.  That was one of the toughest things for Josh and me.  Our first go at nursing was pretty good.  Callie was tired and latched once but then wanted to sleep.  They put the feeding tube back in and said I could try again at the next feeding.  Three hours later she was latched and feeding like a champ!  I am so proud of her and was so relieved knowing that I was making enough milk to keep her sustained. 

Days really blurred together.  We were blessed to have family and friends visiting everyday but the visitation rules in the NICU are very strict and limited us to having two family members in the room at a time which made it difficult to see everyone. As time went on we were able to hold Callie whenever we wanted and before we knew it they were preparing to take her completely off of breath support.  It is nerve wrecking as a mom when you want your baby to be healthy and there is a lingering chance that they'll take her off and she will start suffering again.  We wanted to see progress but at the same time we knew that being there was the best thing for her.  On the seventh day of being there she was completely off of IV's, monitors and breath support.  It was incredible to see her beautiful face without tubes down her nose and throat.  The next morning, after having passed the car seat test (that's a whole other story...) and being checked out by her doctor they cleared her to go home.  It was one of the happiest moments for us.  She got down to 4 lbs 12 oz while in the hospital but was slowly gaining weight back and starting to grow. 

Coming home with our baby girl was so incredible.  We walked her around the house and showed her everything we could think of, we were finally home and able to start our life as a family.

Grandpa holding Callie for the first time

 Right before leaving to go home!

 Our family

 Grandma holding Callie for the first time

 In this one you can really see how Jaundice she was

 First time to be held by Aunt Melanie

 First time being held by her Popi (or Big Daddy as he is called)

 First time being held by Uncle Tony

 Kangaroo care with Daddy

 First time being held by her Grandma

 Right after her first bath

 Callie's first bottle

 Her stat screen that we never took our eyes off of

 Under the bilirubin lights

 Bubble C-pap machine

 My first Kangaroo Care session with miss Callie

Callie's Arrival: Chapter 3

The morning following Callie's birth was quite crazy.  I hadn't slept a wink that night and morning seemed to take an eternity to come.  We were hopeful that they would be discharging me as soon as humanly possible - we were so anxious to get over and be with our little girl.  I was in a world of pain but doing my best not to show it in fear that they might want to keep me longer, so I just dealt with it the best I could knowing as soon as I was with her that everything would be better. 

Side note on giving birth... There are so many things that people don't talk about that I wasn't aware of!  Prime example, how in the world are you supposed to use the restroom?!  About three hours after Callie's birth my epidural started to ware off and I knew that I was going to have to pee soon but was petrified to try.  I had just pushed a human being out from in between my legs, how in the world and I going to use the restroom???  Luckily my sister in law, Melanie, was there and gave me some tips!  My first trip the nurse came in and assisted me, the pain was so intense that my vision went black and I couldn't walk back to bed without getting uber light headed and wanting to pass out.  And that was just for going number 1!!!!!!  We won't even go into number 2.  :) 

Around 8:00 my doctor, his nurse and the nurse that assisted in the birth all came into our room and surrounded my bed.  I put on the best smile that I could muster trying to mask the pain I was in.  They asked how I was doing and how I felt, through gritted teeth I lied and said that I was doing well and just wanted to get over to be with my baby girl.  I have a wonderful relationship with my doctor having known him since I was 19... I think he could see the pain in my eyes of not being with Callie outweighed the physical pain I was in and told us that he was going to start the paperwork to get me discharged right away.  We eagerly started getting things gathered up and showered.  At 11:00 we had finished paperwork and were on our way out of the hospital.  That is less than 24 hours from when we checked INTO the hospital, and less than 17 hours from when I had given birth. 

Josh was so eager to get in to see Callie I think he forgot that I had just gone through labor and an episiotomy because he parked the car in the parking garage without thinking about how I was going to get from the car to inside the hospital.  As soon as we started walking toward the elevator in the garage he realized how much pain I was in and offered to go drop me off at the doors but by this point I was on a mission.  We walked into the front doors and apparently I looked pretty bad off because the man sitting at the front desk told Josh to get me seated and gave us a wheelchair.  That wheelchair was my saving grace for the next couple of days! 

Before I knew it Josh was wheeling me into Callie's room.  Cook Children's Hospital is an INCREDIBLE facility.  The NICU is brand new and each child has their own room.  As we entered the room our eyes went straight to the little box that held our precious daughter.  My heart skipped a beat seeing her but my stomach churned at the sight of all of the cords and wires that were attached to her perfectly soft, brand new skin.  Tears welled up in my tired, burning eyes. 

Callie had been put on a ventilator and had already received two doses of surfactant (a chemical that helps the lungs).  She had an IV in her head, and IV in her belly button, monitors stuck to her chest, and a feeding tube down her throat.  I hated it.  All I wanted to do was rip it all off of her and hold her in my arms.  Not being able to hold your child when they are in pain is one of the hardest things a parent will ever have to go through.  At this point there wasn't much we could do and the exhaustion of giving birth and not sleeping had finally caught up to me.  The nurses came in and made up the couch bed for me - knowing I was with my little girl (and the aid of some pain meds) eased me into a deep sleep for the afternoon. 

Doctors estimated that she would need to be there for about two weeks.  Josh and I settled in for the long haul just content to be with our baby...

Callie's Arrival - Chapter 2

The snuggle session was short lived as the nurses took her to the side to get her cleaned and measured.  Callie was 35.6 weeks the day she was born, just over a week shy of being considered “term.”  She was very quiet and from what I could see was just laying there as they hovered around her running tests. There are so many possible risks with having a premature baby and I was all too aware of each one. Josh and our moms were busy snapping pictures and gawking over how cute she was but I felt uneasy.  They weighed her at 5 lbs 7.9 oz and 19 inches long and then handed her to us for a moment to hold.  It was very short lived... The nurse quickly stepped in and said that she needed to take Callie to the nursery to run some tests because she was “grunting.”  

The next hour was filled with family and friends congratulating us and lots of tears of joy being shed.  They moved me into a recovery room and the waiting game began.  Each minute that passed by without Callie’s return was longer and more overwhelming than the one before it.  At one point Josh called down to the nursery to check on her.  The nurse answered the phone and said that they’d call us back.  Callie was the only baby in the nursery and had been gone for two hours now... The aching in my stomach bubbled over.  Around 8:45 the pediatrician walked in the room with a concerned look on her face.  She continued to tell us that Callie was showing signs of respiratory distress and that she felt her needs could be better met at a more equipped hospital.  A huge lump built up in my chest and I lost the ability to speak.  All I could do was lay there and cry silent tears.  My precious baby was being taken away from me.  

Josh and I were able to go into the nursery to see her before the transport team arrived.  Nothing could have prepared us for the sight of our baby girl lying helplessly on the table.  She was hooked up to monitors with tubes and wires all over her body and a vent hood over her tiny head.  Those little arms were lying lifelessly next to her body and with every breath a tiny whimper would escape her lips.  Second to the sound of my mom’s scream the night my dad died this was the worst moment of my entire life.  

Around 11:30 they wheeled her into our room to say goodbye and whisked her away to Cook Children’s Hospital leaving Josh and I by ourselves in a cold, dark and very empty hospital room.  Despite being utterly exhausted and the aid of ambien, sleep did not find me that night.  

Callie's Arrival - Chapter 1

Over the next few posts I wanted to write about one of the most incredible experiences of my entire life... The birth of our little girl, Callie Marie.  I hope that you enjoy the journey as much as we have.  My posts tend to get a tad bit lengthy so I'm breaking it up a bit for you.  Thank you for your constant prayers and support!  

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      This past week has been the most incredible whirlwind of my life.  Miss Callie Marie Morgan was born on May 14, 2012 at 6:15 pm weighing in at a whopping 5lbs 8oz and 19 inches long.  Here is the story of her very unexpected birth and the eventful week that followed.  :)

Monday morning started like any other, I woke up and got myself dressed and ready for school.  Most days I hit my alarm and snooze for another 10 minutes or so but that morning, for some reason, I was up at the first buzz.  As I was driving to school I had this overwhelming feeling that things were a little too calm so I made my morning phone call to Josh a little early and said, “Babe, I don’t know why but I have a feeling that this morning is the calm before the storm.”  I couldn’t explain to him what I was feeling, just that something was eerily different.  He told me he loved me, to have a wonderful morning and that was that.  

Around 9:00 I was in the middle of teaching a math lesson.  As I was reading a question my vision went hazy and I lost all sense of where I was.  My knees collapsed and I fell straight to my tush right in front of 19 fourth graders.  I looked a little like one of those toys that completely collapses with the push of a button.  When my vision returned the kids were all standing up, one of my boys said, “Mrs. Morgan, why are you purple?”  With that I sent him to grab the nurse.  She came in and took my blood pressure - 138/86 - which for me is actually quite high.  I called my doctor and let one of the students take over running the review.  Upon hearing what had happened they asked me to have Josh pick me up from work and bring me in to check on the baby.  

Josh showed up in no time at all and whisked me away to the doctor.  I have to thank my school for being so quick to help - I am very blessed to have such wonderful co-workers!  I started feeling really sick on our way there, light headed, hot, and completely out of it.  I even stumbled into another car as we made the walk from the parking lot.  Once in the doctor’s office I explained to him what was going on and told him that I simply didn’t feel right.  He began to check me for what seemed like an eternity and then looked down at his watch and back at us...  With that he said, “How does May 14th sound?  You’re 5 cm dilated.”  Josh and my eyes met and completely bugged out of our heads.  We went straight to labor and delivery and were admitted within 30 minutes.  

{The picture we uploaded to Facebook saying, "Guess who's having a baby!"}

I sent out a few texts to close family and friends that read, “Looks like I’m having a baby!”  Within the hour Josh and I had three of my best friends, both moms and my stand in dad (Gary) all crammed in a tiny room that was simply buzzing with anticipation.  When they hooked me up to the monitors my contractions were 5 minutes apart (which if you have been following my pregnancy you know is not uncommon).  There happened to be a high number of mommies in labor that morning so we waited quite a while before they moved us to a delivery room.  We were admitted around 11:30 Monday morning and by 4:30 that afternoon they had me in the delivery room.  My doctor came in and broke my water to get things progressing a little faster (which holy cow.... I did not realize so much fluid could fit inside of one’s body).   Before I received my epidural they gave me some pain medication to help with the pain of contractions which made me INCREDIBLY sick.  There’s nothing like having a room full of friends and family and laying in a bed puking your guts out! 

The epidural wasn’t quite as bad as I thought it would be.  Yes, it was painful but the thought of relief was enough to keep me going.  I laid my head against the nurses chest and prayed over and over, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength...”  The only way I can think to describe the feeling is that my legs felt like heavy stumps of flesh completely wrapped in plastic.  My right leg was the first to lose sensation shortly followed by the left.  Unfortunately the epidural didn’t make my nausea go away which meant the bouts of barfing continued.  Within one hour I had gone from 5cm to 10cm dilated and ready to push.  

I had a slight panic attack right as I hit 8-10 cm and remember looking frantically at Josh saying, "she’s coming out!!!"  I turned to him and touched his chest saying, “I’m tagging you in now, you know like in wrestling... your turn.”  This made the entire room of loved ones laugh and eased a little bit of my anxiety, but I was dead serious.  The reality that I was about to shove a human being out from between my legs was just a little overwhelming.  

My doctor finally arrived and everyone was kicked out except for Josh and our moms.  It’s amazing how many people are needed to deliver ONE child.  There were three nurses, a doctor, my mom, Josh’s mom and the two of us.  Ya lose all sense of modesty when all you want is to get the pressure to go away.  Within minutes I was holding onto the back of my legs pushing with all I had.  Three contractions and ten pushes later (yes, I know - high five, Nicki!) our little girl was taking her first breath.  

{Josh's first time to hold a baby ... And it was his daughter.  Needless to say I was balling my eyes out.}

I wish I could explain the feeling that overcame my soul at that very moment.  Josh and I gazed through tearful eyes at the miracle God had given us... our little girl was absolutely perfect.  Josh cut her umbilical cord and the doctor placed her slimy little body on my chest.  I remember not being able to catch my breath because I was so overcome with emotions I had never in my life experienced.  The moment she cried my heart stopped and our world was forever changed.