Be Anxious About Nothing

As most of you know, Callie was a premature little thing.  Her due date was June 12th and she decided May was her time to grace this world with her presence.   Prior to her birth I struggled with contractions and preterm labor.  At 27 weeks I was hospitalized for going into labor, after 5 days and an awful 24 hours on magnesium they were able to stop labor and I was discharged.  Going into this pregnancy I knew that it wasn't going to be a walk in the park. 

At 16 weeks I took a spill at work and started having contractions.  Since then they have been pretty regular.  Anywhere from 10-40 a day.  On bad days I'll have up to 10-12 an hour.  I was diagnosed with irritable uterus this pregnancy which basically just means I will have contractions for no reason at all.  These aren't braxton hicks, they are more like labor contractions (only typically less intense and usually don't cause cervical change).  Unfortunately for me, they ARE causing cervical change. 

In a typical pregnancy you want the cervix to be between 3-5 cm until you hit about 35 weeks.  At 20 weeks we measured 2.9 cm.  I have gone in almost weekly to monitor the length of my cervix and for a few weeks we were holding on at 2.8-2.9 cm.  That was until yesterday.  I went in to see our high risk doctor and they measured me at 2.6 (maybe 2.7 at a good angle), but this time my cervix was starting to funnel.  It is basically the dilation of the inside of your cervix.  At 24/25 weeks this is NOT what you want to be seeing on an ultrasound.  Especially since it is now too late to do a cerclage.

Both of my doctors (regular OB and high risk) agreed that taking me off of work for a modified bed rest was the best option at this point.  I have been on progesterone shots since 16 weeks (taken weekly) and made the commitment that I would do whatever it took to make this pregnancy last long enough to avoid the NICU.  Sweet Callie was only in the NICU for 8 days, which for us seemed like an eternity... My heart truly aches for those who have to stay in for months at a time. 

I currently work as a kindergarten teacher, and God truly blessed me with my group of kids this year.  He really does know what He is doing...  Unfortunately modified bed rest means I can no longer see my kiddos or work.  With this brings so many new stresses.  After the issues we faced with having Callie early and not having disability insurance we got coverage shortly there after.  Right now I am on day one of modified bed rest and knee deep in paperwork for FMLA and Disability.  All I can do is fill out paperwork and pray that our disability claim is accepted.  If it is not, we will be facing several months without a paycheck. 

God is faithful, and I am fully confident that He will provide for us in this time.  However, I am still human and find myself struggling with anxiety and fear that something wont be covered and we will struggle.  This morning I found comfort reading in Luke when Jesus talks about worry.  There is no benefit to worrying, in fact it can show a lack of faith in God.  With that being said, I find myself diving into prayer constantly asking for peace that can only come from Him.  He has a plan for Kellan and our family and I just want to do what it takes to make sure His will is done. 

We will continue with weekly checkups and pray that Kellan hangs in there just long enough.  As always, prayer is POWERFUL and we ask for your prayers.  I'll be sure to keep you updated as I am able!