Busy is blessed. It's something I continue to tell myself as I walk through this new chapter in my life. Josh and I will plop ourselves down on the couch after an epic bed time battle with Callie, and with utter defeat in our voices say, "What on earth did we do before we had kids?" Truth of the matter is, we had a lot more time on our hands and I honestly cannot for the life of me remember what we did to fill it all up. What I do know is that we cherish these days, even the ones that are battles.
Obviously things have been busy around the Morgan household. It's been months since I've sat down to write. A dear friend of mine, who recently made a reappearance in my life, said to me the other day, "Is there anything you can't do?" He was referring to the many talents that God has gifted to me. I do not begin to claim them as my own, because I know that they are strictly for the betterment of His kingdom. I pray that I can continue to use them as such. Of course, the reality of the situation is that there are thousands of things I cannot do. Mostly because of time.
If you know me at all you know where a lot of my time goes. If the activity has any creativity involved in it - I'm there. Painting, drawing, sewing, crochet, singing, and a new found love of hand lettering just to name a few. Between being a wife, a mom, a teacher, a worship leader, a crafter, a distributor for It Works, a friend and a daughter, there is not much time left for anything else. I am beginning to feel like my life is a Ritz cracker with the peanut butter so thinly spread on top that you can't taste it. That being said, I have to remind myself frequently to be present in the moment. It is easy to get caught up on what is next or an ever growing to do list. So easy in fact, that the little moments get overlooked and my fear is that before I know it, I'll be packing Callie up for college. The thought alone brings tears to my eyes.
This year, I believe, is going to be the year of change. Already there have been some drastic changes that have taken place in our lives and I know that there are many more to come. Callie will be starting pre kindergarten in the fall, and we will be placing our home on the market soon with plans to build a home more suited to our larger family. There are so many things coming up that are different from how they've been, and that is scary to me. It's so easy to succumb to fear and let it hold you back because of the uncertainty that comes with the unknown. Recently in my devotions, I have been seeking God's will for the direction of our lives. In all things I want to follow Christ. If he is leading me in a direction that scares me, I want to follow Him with abandon. I sing about it, I journal about it, I pray about it. The tricky part is, discerning God's voice amid all of the clamor of life. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in seeking God's will for us that we miss his gentle whispers.
My prayer right now is that the multitude of responsibilities, talents and hobbies will not distract me from being still and quiet and waiting on the Lord. I feel as if I have hit a fork in the road and I genuinely do not know which way to walk. Neither path is straight; they are both dark and winding... So how do I figure out which way is God's way? Decisions, especially when they involve your spiritual walk, are so very important and not to be taken lightly. I stumbled upon this quote and it really hit the nail on the head; "Sometimes in the waves of change, we find our true direction." I pray that as we are in the midst of changes this year, we will seek God in every decision so that we can find our true direction in life.
Music speaks directly to my soul. It is how I am able to connect to feelings and emotions best. This song has been playing on repeat in my head for a week now and I can't get the lyrics out of my brain. Maybe there is a reason for that... Lord, I will go where you will lead me.
"You have called me higher, you have called me deeper,
and I'll go where you will lead me, Lord."