Thursday, June 23


You know that saying, when it rains it pours?  Lately I feel like my life has been a constant thunderstorm.  Things are being thrown at me left and right and just when it seems that nothing else could happen, something does.  Ha!  You wanna know something, though?  Satan doesn't get to win.

A week ago today Josh and I walked out to my car to go to lunch.  When the key turned in the ignition nothing happened; click, click, click...  We tried again.  Nothing.  Both of us let out a huge sigh and sat back, defeated, in our seats.  It was well over 100 degrees and the last thing that we needed was car trouble.  We figured it was a dead battery as nothing in the car was working, not even my phone charger.  So we called up his parents, who just so happened to be in the area, and they came to give us a lift.  With the help of my father-in-law the battery was replaced and we could all go on with our day.

That night I left a little early in order to make it to a friend's bachelorette dinner in Dallas.  I was sitting at a stop sign by our house with my left blinker on preparing to turn onto a busy road.  There were three cars on that road in the right turning lane and I didn't see any oncoming traffic behind them.  As I pulled out I saw a car to my left flying down the road straight toward me.  I screamed and shoved the gas pedal down as far as it would go but it was too late, he came slamming into my car at 60 mph sending me into a full 180 spin across the other lane.  When my eyes opened I was facing the direction I had just come from. There was an overwhelming smell of burning rubber in the air, my left ear was ringing and I felt as if my chest was going to explode.  Tears came bursting from my eyes as a scream escaped my lips and my entire body began to shake.  I sat there in disbelief as my anxiety took over - everything from my ears down started to tingle as a woman rushed to my door and yelled in if I was okay.  If you've ever dealt with anxiety you know that in a situation like this it shuts you down completely and takes over your body like a cancer spreading ferociously.  My ears were still ringing and hot tears streamed down my cheeks.  The woman opened my door, held my hand and asked if there was anyone I needed to call, I made a frantic call to Josh at work and then continued sitting there in my tears and shock.  The next ten minutes or so were a complete blur.

Before I knew it I was being pulled out of my car and placed on a stretcher, neck held tightly by a firm brace and my body strapped down from my head to my ankles.  As I looked up through blurry eyes I saw Josh arrive just as they were loading me into the ambulance.   Laying on that stretcher as we made our way to a hospital downtown was absolutely miserable.  My chest and neck were aching and a panic attack sent me into hyperventilation.  I remember the young man that accompanied me telling me to slow my breathing as he continued on with the game of twenty questions...  I looked up at the ceiling and closed my eyes as tight as they would go, more tears pouring out of my burning eyes.  Through struggled breaths I managed to cry out and say, "I wish my dad were here..."  I'm not sure if he understood what I said and chose to ignore it or if he didn't hear me at all but silence lingered in the air as I realized how silly I must have sounded.

After what seemed like an eternity we reached the hospital and they wheeled me to a small curtained trauma room.  I knew I was in pain, but that isn't saying much because my pain tolerance is unbelievably low... They pumped morphine though the IV in my arm as the doctor made his way in to ask me questions that I had been asked already by five different people.  Because I lost consciousness during the accident they had to run a series of tests, x-rays, CT scans, etc...  Mom and Tony walked into my quiet little area of the hospital and the sight of them brought tears out again.  Just to have someone there with me was a huge sigh of relief.  Josh had been stuck back at the scene of the accident dealing with all the not so fun things that come along with car wrecks.  Five hours later I was released with no broken bones and no internal injuries.  For being T-boned at 60 mph on the driver's side of my car I was incredibly lucky to be walking away with a few bumps and bruises.  A large helping of pain meds and muscle relaxers guided me into a deep sleep that night.

As if a trip to the hospital and having my car totaled wasn't enough I also had to deal with the police and was issued a ticket for failure to yield to oncoming traffic.  For the past week Josh and I have been able to manage with one car - although I have to say I'm not sure how other people do it.  We have begun the daunting task of looking for a new one and I am already exhausted.  I'm left with only two bruises, one from my seat belt and one from the IV, and am feeling much better - Thank the Lord!

Yesterday as Josh pulled out of the garage on our way to work he unknowingly backed out too close to the side which resulted in a smashed side mirror on his truck.  We both looked at each other as our stomachs churned and another thing was added to our list of to-do's.  I have 6 days left of work, new bills that are pouring in and no promise of a job in the near future.  Things are piling up and stress levels are at an all time high, but there is one thing I continue to remember through all of this.  God is good, all of the time.

I may not be able to see the reasoning behind all of the misfortune in our lives as of late, but I do have faith that the Lord will be faithful in His promises.  Yes, I am scared and yes I have anxieties about the road ahead but I will continue to be trusting and faithful to my Heavenly Father because He has a plan for us.  And for that, I am thankful!


Anonymous said...

Tears sure help as I'm reading your's like i'm connected to you from afar. I miss you so much and I'm so glad you're okay. I wish we could live everyday life together. I'm overwhelmed with you and for you. But you're right, God is already in our future and he already knows what you guys need and has provided it for you...and me. I love how vast God is because it reminds me how small I am, but I love more the fact that the vastness of God is what allows him to be so close to us. He is the only one that can get inside us and shift some things around. Even more than that, i LOVE that God actually cares about how we feel and doesnt just tell us to suck it up- he just asks us to believe and trust. I read the other day that just like us, God wants to be believed, trusted, seen as worthy, and be seen as "good enough." I think to myself sometimes why I get frustrated about life and it's because people don't understand my intentions or believe my honesty....I guess that's like God. We'll believe just for the sake that He wants us too. I love you. - Ash Massie

cal+claire said...

This reminds me of a sermon I heard from Matt Chandler and he was talking about our faith in God during times like these. This is when we look at our faith in Christ and it's either real or it's not, it's either turn to Him or it's turn away, rely on Him or rely on yourself.

While this is so tough, it's exactly these times when you'll look back and see how you grew in Christ! Praying for you!